Living In America (an immigrant journal)

2010-03-17T18:58:00.000-07:00

The breaking point - how much longer i plan to stay

pretty much, the only people who know of my decision to leave the u.s. are me, my girl and anyone who reads this (and according to my vast amounts of responses...not many). i will explain as follows:

over the past 24 years i have made the best of what god has given me. I've tried to be a moral person before and after i found out of me knowing my situation. years have passed since then and nothing has improved. i waited and waited on "dream" acts that honestly, have become a fantasy. Im now 28 and going to enter almost full adulthood in about 1.5 years and i still have a crap job, dont ride a car and can barely pay my way for a movie let alone a date. so after much thinking (3 years actually) i have finally serioously considered leaving the U.S. not cause minutemen were doing their "jobs" or cause border patrol/Immigrations and customs Enforcement were so good at restructuring themselves or even the politicos and their "lobbies" and other gay (not homo, i mean just plain ballless bastards) agenda makers. Simply, im just tired.

i know many still do not get my whole point of view and i dont expect you to, i said this was not the quest. it was just to make people understand that me along with all the others in my situation are human. we do have ambitions and dreams and even real emotions and sometimes pride if it's not chewed up from trying to find pay here. i do thank this nation and not the structures but the people. the everyday ones that would hear me out and talk about my situation with others. those that showed just an ounce of concern and even gave me a chance by whether letting me work for them or letting me stay in their home at a waay discounted rate in exchange for me cleaning and working around their house. Even those that would have a discussion with me and at least see my view if not change their mind.

this country programmed me to be the way i am. a skateboarding bmx, computer repairing, roofing, boxing, hard working, landscaping, opinionated, open minded, music loving, rapping, producing, expressing Man! and im grateful for all that. but, simply said, a person can only deal with being limited for so long. I still think it hurts me more because i have not seen what i "left behind" when i was brought here. all I've known is American ways. for god's sake one of my favorite foods are hot dogs (if from nathans...g'lawd!). so i do have attachment to my adoptive country even if it favored her real kids more than me.

and once again i say, all i asked was for a chance to be. i never asked for an amnesty or instant status. and people say why not do what you are doing but to come back here?! because the line to get in here legally for me (being mexican) is not just insane but ridiculously long and the stupid categories that not many fit (although i did try to marry someone but not for the papers). if another country can use me, so be it.

you guys (government) had your chance to use me to benefit the nation even if i was volunteering to pick up trash on the street not cause i got a ticket (cause you can't volunteer with an agency without ssn...look it up) or starting a non for profit that i've wanted to make (no detais cause no point in it now). I am a positive person. i did give back whenever i could even if those 5 dollars were my last to stretch for a fuckin week, i'd give it to a donation box in good fuckin faith. I would pick up some crazy shit in the way for a car won't hit it and damage their car.

so i guess it ends. im preppin as we speak to get my passport and see if i can leave from here or i gotta go to mexico (cause im not stayin there!) but either rate, option 2 is now option 1. im reading the documentation on how to immigrate over there and "whadayaknow" there is a category for me! a person simply wanting to immigrate there! sure, i do got other interests for doing so but i also finally get to "be"... simply be. something that i have not been or felt like i have in awhile. no need to be paranoid when i see police when i have not done a crime (gon take a while for that one) or have a limited employment pool because you can't work as a blueprint reader under-the-table for too long (i did...long story short, shady people brought that down). and i can actually apply for a license. that one messes with me. but now it does not matter. it's not like im gonna be gone within the month. im working the kinks and will blog about that and so on cause now, im gon let alot of people that shouldve known all this about me for years (mainly direct vents to them). and i will try to renember to tell you people how you can help someone in my situation if you do come across them. how you can help us how to fish so i wont be the only story of saying "one way or another" cause, hey, maybe we should leave...but not the ones you wanted to leave. People like me who have a drive not just on sterotypes about drinking and having infinite kids but being entrepreneurs by birth. by wanting to make something big out of something as minute as a seed. we used to call that "the american dream". even alot of you motherfuckers that got the chance just shit on it and i dont have to say how and why. just think about it. And even my family members that are citizens are in on this one. I've said that i dont wish this on anyone but i really do wish it on them so they can understand why it seems like i was crazy. see how long you guys couldve lived in my mindset (and not my other sisters, me!). my want and ambition and care for this fuckin place. I love america...but sad it does not love me. and while people talk shit and crap here, i still respect. i respect the military for dying not for the political issues but for the country, for the people that "DO" make this place run. the true backbone and developers of this nation. but fuck the system that kept me at limbo for way too fuckin long. god bless the flag and it's people but im on my way out. laters

2009-04-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

More "dream act news"...why dont i give a sh*t?!

i think immigration news is no longer effecting me. I read today that more colleges are pushing to allow immigrants to go to college with in-state tuition and financial aid and possibly, legalization. so why don't i care anymore? i think cause i have heard this since i graduated and every disappointing year the bill gets shot out, i get into a low that is only explainable as depression. I do care if they pass a bill...until then i will take it as rumor. that's it. the shortest blog,

2009-04-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

The "one in ten are using food stamps" debate (and i say using cause i don't wanna insult the ones that truly don't "abuse" it)

I woke up this morning from a cold-flu-pneumonia (i pray not but cant go to doctor) spell i have had for almost two weeks to read on my blackberry (YEAH, you thought Mexican immigrants don't know tech!!!) about the statistic that one in every ten Americans is on food stamps now...i would like to sympathize but i have seen the bad side of food stamps. not just the obvious transferring them for cigarettes or drugs or other non needed items but people (and i mean AMERICAN CITIZENS) that take the food stamps and use them just to horde food. they have plenty of cans of tomato juice cans and whatever they get for free still in the cupboard (sometimes going stale or bad) and they go get some more the next week. And to make matters worse, they are insulted if they cant get what they want...What ever happen to beggars can't be choosers. To make matters worse, one particular person that does so has plenty of money to piss away on stupid sh*t that they never use and complain about having bills and so on. It saddens me cause i know this story is going to get flipped on illegals but so be it. you allow them to, they are going to. It pisses me off to high hell that people can abuse a system that is made to help the truly unfortunate and see it as their right to mooch off the government. It's even more hurtful when i think about how many times i did not have food or knew i was not gonna have money for a week so I'd decide to call it a "fasting" instead of admitting to myself that I'm just broke (why i ate top ramen with chop sticks...to feel like i was eating asian food instead of noodles in a McDonalds cup). I did that so i could never have it rubbed in my face that i took food stamps or benefits. Sure, i vomited stomach acids sometimes but i maned up and took it. why can't YOU moochers admit to your faults. It made me laugh when i saw that they get about 100 dollars per person a month in food stamps...damn, that's a good month of food for me. Lemme total it up

$20 - 100 top ramen (the staple for broke folks)
$10 - 8-10 packs of Hot Dogs (to put in the ramen or eat alone)
$12 - 6 loaves of bread (AND WHAT THE F*CK!!! REALLY 2 BUCKS FOR BREAD?!)
$20 - 20 cheap brand t.v. dinners (u know, the brand that got recalled...banquet)
$10 - 20 cheap pot pies (same TV dinner brand)

$28 - to piss away on fast food when I'm not home...and a few candy bars (ay, i got a sweet tooth)

this is a real budget when i made enough money to buy so much and you know what...i never was hungry (and i eat ALOT).

So either the government is supplementing the wrong foods or I'm just that damn good at budgeting food?! C'mon. And like i said, it ain't just food...it's section 8 homes where people rent all the rooms (as told not to by the section 8 rules), unemployment checks (cause under the table work is not reported) and other government benefits. I'm not bombing on anyone that is under these benefits. im telling the ones that take advantage. The sad thing is, the negative always sees the light first. not the ones that made it out of section 8 to have a business or unemployed that took the EDD check to barely make it and bounce back (my ex fiancee) or the cal grant kids that become the future of this nation...change has to be done in all of this to help this nation. Accountability, not bureaucracy. Responsibility, not prosecuting. We must be the ones to check ourselves before we truly do wreck ourselves.

2009-03-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

How the internet can come back and haunt you (not necessarily but read on)

For starters, i will begin by thanking one of the few people that i am not related to or knew me enough for reminding me i had a blog (thnx for the coffees..is that how you spell multiple coffee?!). That kind of starts this blog off. I was working on a roof in the town i used to live in for years. The people of the house were nice. My working partner (dunno what to call them cause they are not my workers) and I would get invited to eat. My friend could talk but not work that well so i continued the job. when the lady talked to me alone, somehow i mentioned something about immigration and it began talks about that. when she asked me (curiously, not negatively) i was quick to deny (a reflex...i wish it's a joke but it's not). i guess some days went by after we finished a part of the job and we had to go back. she mentioned she googled me and found this blog...I didn't freak out cause i kind of assumed she knew why i lied in the first place but i was more worried cause how i speak in this blog is me uncensored. my own mother does not know about this blog (although she should) cause i wish people to not see the activist Paisa but Amos Iriqui (never hid it before, why start now) the person just living life. I flashed in my mind when she said some of the things i wrote here were kind of (she left it blank cause im guessing she did not have a word to say very unfuckin candid). it embarrassed me but it also reminded me what i wanted out of this site...maybe it did not show her anything new but may have showed her a new face of immigration. one that talks to you like the person on the bus or a co-worker. not like a "foreigner" and have to translate accented english or learn spanish. some of our thoughts are lost in translation...mine are not.

this is why it haunted me but it haunted me cause i pushed away this blog for so long...read on

So if anyone has been or has read this blog, i take way big gaps of hiatus (even when i began) for this simple reason...I am talking about a topic I am living at the same time. Whether you people realise it, some of these discussions tear me up inside. It's something beyond of passion that I speak on. I wish i was stronger and could just keep haranguing, cussing, and blowing up (like rush limbaugh on a good pill rage...i mean democrat rage) but it's not good for me...not for anyone. I will do my best to keep updating but I kind of have to brace myself before i do (not about the topic i choose cause i always have more than a book to write about and i have thought it over and over before i even think about putting it online). It's like wanting to swim in nut freezin (sorry, will try to limit) cold temperatures. whether you want to go in, you have to prepare to take that cold. A cold that sometimes i forget how cold it is (until i read old blogs...ouch. sometimes i was hella pissed on them).

Don't get me wrong, i do like talking about it cause of the benefit i think it has on people that actually find it, they learn that not all immigrants to this country have it easy or so perfectly clear. that we too have dreams and wishes but some of those wishes are so ignored, abused and unappreciated by citizens (LIKE JURY DUTY!!!). The thing is, it's harsh to open up so much. I wish i didn't have to say how pissed i am cause i made garbage this day or how is it that i gave so much credit to government and they can forget about people like me, but i do. it's gotta be like reporters (well, the real ones) reporting depressing things after another after another. over time it's gotta affect them. but imagine that reporter had to report being in that situation. being in that fire, being in the shooting, being in the hospital ward with salmonella cause you ate the peanut butter. That is my reporting. And i do it on the high hopes that it can affect someone. that's it. no fame, no big rallies when i get (if i get) deported, just that they know we people...the ones in immigration limbo as i consider ourselves... do try to function but are confused on what is the next move for us.

thanks again if you read this...and don't be afraid to email...i wont spam

2008-10-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

IF you can vote, then vote, damnit!

if you have read this blog enough, you know i am an immigrant. I'm in such a special situation that prohibits me from voting...it's not like i dont want to. it really kills me when people that can vote just say "it doesn't matter" but those same a**es b***h and complain that "the economy is so tough" and "my house is getting repo'ed" or, "bush is f***n up" well, shut the f***k up! you never tried to make a difference. even if you at least voted for bush, you can say you were mislead or something but for those that can and do not even try...it DOES matter. right now there could be a historic election where we either have the first black president that wants to change or the nation's oldest president that is a "maverick" (and i am so sick of that word...if you are such a maverick, then SHOW IT DONT JUST SAY IT...CAUSE I CAN KEEP SAYING "I AM A CITIZEN" BUT IT DOES NOT HAPPEN JUST CAUSE I KEEP SAYING IT...). I watched every debate and take notes (yeah, wetbacks CAN write) and maybe neither one cares for my situation...idunno but that's not the important thing right now. illegal or not, people are losing jobs by the second and immigrants can't be blamed this time. the dollar is turning to the new peso, food cost is going up (that's MY stock market...before colbert said it i saw top ramen go from 10 cents to 25 cents...the cheapest meal for college students). if you are a baller (financially secure), you don't care for that but if you got a family, you work for a living (check by check) or even own a home, I beg of you...VOTE!!! if not, trade with me...see how it feels to not have the right to make a change. if it does not make a difference, al gore lost by such a (shady) close call....maybe we would already be solar powered by now instead of having a higher deficit and crap stock value (maybe not even in war...maybe some of the people i knew would not have had to die for "freedom" bulls**t excuses)

DO SOMETHING!!!! MAKE IT HAPPEN!

2008-10-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

FINALLY BACK (like crack in the 80's...all up ur noses!)

just to let cats know, i've been blocked from posting cause i needed stupid gmail account (yeah, it took this long for me to decide to get one...dont trust them...) newhoo, i will get new fresh news on this as soon as i can piggyback to a stable connection (yeah, paisas cannot get cable or dsl cause we have no credit but for some weird reason we can buy houses...i did not get that memo or else i would have been in a pad). if anyone is pissed cause i've been slackin, f*ck u. it took u this long to catch on?! email and let me know!!!l1paisarap@gmail.com and if u in texas, i hear someone put one of my tracks on a mixtape. i will post new info on that as soon as i find out myself (i got a call from soneone about that and it was me...suprise. neways do ur thing and i still say fuck icee cats with frozen hearts...dont tell me ur doing ur job, that was nazi cats' excuses and we are not in the 1940's, faggot!

2004-11-10T23:53:00.000-08:00

Bush is president: What is in it for us?... The same for citizens NOTHING!!!
a note on the recent election:
It's funny cause i've met so many people talking about this issue about the presidential candidates. BS and typical stuff but there was a lack of something... A POINT!!! none of these fn candidates actually said "i'm gonna do this" or "i'm gonna do that"! it reminded me of school elections cause no one knew any real reason to vote for this and that except that we know this guy!! ALL immigration issues were completely ignored like the recent DREAM act, or the licenses in California. WE STILL WAITING FOR SOMETHING!!! My boss did make a good point recently to me: "It's harder for you cause you've been here most of your life so you expect them to do something for you" True, i do see that they partially owe me cause i obeyed their rules and crap but screw me, if my shit's solved, there are many more still stuck. that's wjy i piss and complain. If i don't, who will. (I always reference african americans with immigration but here's another) If rosa parks didn't give a fuck for others, she would have sat her ass to the back. Guess what? she didn't. and too bad that i can't just piss some fools off like that but sometimes even a woman has more balls than med do. I ain't complaining for myself, I'm complaining for the ones that can't say anything or if they do it gets lost in translation. I'm giving it to you from what i see, hear and feel everyday. I saw a guy running across from me when i went to go get dinner 2 days ago. I saw to see what he was running from and it was an accident. He crashed into a car, got out the car and ran so the cops won't mess with him. I know they have no deportation powers but even I don't like to take that chance. Lord knows if guy had kids and everything could go more sour if he takes a trip to the south than it can for me.

2004-07-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

Immigrants and Crime: Not an excuse, an explination.

Gangs are obviously a big problem among urban communities no matter what race or background. The main candidates for gangs are people wanting to be something and saying f-k the law at the same time. these people feel (or know) that society will not accept them as a part of them. This category easily fits immigrants except that we don't say f-k the law. They say f-k immigrants, we respond. that's different. What i am getting at is that gangs are an easy way out for many but wiht the growing number of immigrants in the country and legislation making it harder to work legit. Maybe not many would think that immigrants wouuld do so (especially most being 30-50) but surprise! recently there were various busts around San Diego by the ICE task force (immigration and customs enforcement). They got 13 immigrants all beiong affiliated to gangs and not all pee-wees. Screw the issue of gangs, what about the smart ones that somehow knew better but get found in a college by extremists (i really don't know the appropriate name) offering money for mission. Screw it, offer them to get their family out the slums for a suicide mission and i bet they might consider it. Is it crazy or desperation. You tell me. That's why we must help immigrants not enclose them. give them their opportunity to work. they will pay taxes. You get more bees with honey then the sh-t you fling at us.

2004-06-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

Welcome to MexicoA note on my sisters recent "encounter" with my people

Recently I got the news of my sister visiting mexico like all under 21 but 18+ do that are legit. She got carjacked. Plain and simple. The most ironic thing about it is the way. acting american "being one of four legal siblings born here" she asked for a person for directions. Sure it is stupid but here's what's stupider...THEY WANNA DEPORT ME THERE?!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS NATION!!! IS THAT NOT ENOUGH TO TELL YOU I DON'T WANNA GO BACK!!! Imagine they deport me and i'm in my worn but still marked obvious Ralph Lauren pants and my sister's shirt that says polo with a backpack full of crap and headphones. I might as well be a fat pigeon whistling for them (simpsons reference)!!! YOU KNOW WHAT IF YOU ARE LISTENING AMERICA!!! I WANNA SIGN UP FOR ASSYLUM!! I CANNOT GO BACK HOME FOR MY PLAIN SANITY CAUSE GOING BACK IS MORE THAN INSANE, IT'S PLAIN SUICIDAL!!!!! i pray on the eve of that illegals drivers license vote (that i barely renembered after getting smacked out from the news) that i get a spot of good luck!!! (well, let the pistons piss off the lakers would be nice but priorities)(told you i'm americanized!!!)

2004-06-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

"This is how it's gonna be?!" An article on recent threats to "westerners" from al Qaida

This site was mainly started for the sake of all immigrants. To hear their unofficial voice for all immigrants (mainly Mexican cause that happens to be my genre) on issues that matter most to us (mainly immigration legislation) but this time it's our safety! For terrorists to be after all westerners it includes immigrants in this nation. If this is not a time to back your local law enforcement then when is? We got to quit being so scared of saying "I saw this crazy fool carrying a ticking box" or "this guy had a bag full of powder". We got to be as vigilant as Citizens are. It's our homes that they are threatening. It is our places of work and transport. It is a treat on what we wanna claim someday for ourselves again (whether in real estate or business). What's the point of coming to a country that is going to be threatened like that?! Cause The United States Of America (when it comes down to it) kicks ass! And we cannot have jealous warped out militants taking that status from them! We come to the land of the free and home of the brave! We want that freedom, we got a be brave and we come from a nation where our pledge begins "Mexicanos, al grito de guerra"(Mexicans at sound of war). We are used to defend where we claim! We better start now!!! To the United States of America, their armed forces, and law enforcement, On behalf of immigrants hidden from you and ones in the frontline themselves we say, GO KICK SOME ASS!!!

2004-06-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

"I (BAM!) Live In America! a note on "Cedillo's Bill"

I called this topic that cause I am simply expressing my appreciation to live in a nation (whether illegally or legal) that has a system that can at least have bills pass and have a chance (maybe slim but fuck it I will take it) to pass a bill that may benefit many DRIVERS!!!
The bill: "cedillos bill" named after Mr Gill Cedillo (d) that he proposed to the legislature. Yes the fourth attempt but this time it comes with a twist: All applying pay $150 fee for fingerprinting, background checks and other expenses due to the bill, show an ITIN (individual taxpayer identification number), and take a citizenship class (not citizenship granted!!) and promise to improve their status. Shit, anything else?! It's not really the coolest for the immigrants in hiding (terrorists) to apply but it does help the ones wanting to step up to get their papers (me and many other hard working immigrants). They can shit on it but this one was not popped up from the sky, na ah, this one was passed threw focus groups, surveys, public hearings and other attempts to get a true median (which is where I will be driving soon... Sorry, kinda happy). It is also backed by Cedillo, Los Angeles Police Chief William Bratton, Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez, D-Los Angeles, and Assemblyman Marco Firebaugh (NOT MADE UP!). We are on our way but like I told my fiance why I was not going to be able to get some sleep "it's kind of like saying we are going to Magic mountain or some shit like that. Sure, it can happen but I won't hold my breath unless we are on our way... And I am driving!!!!

2004-06-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

"you piece of shit!" response to a website for a dumb article

Excerpt from "http://www.tolstoy.com/lonewacko/blog/archives/000906.html"

January 13, 2004
3 Illegal Immigration Myths
From Right Wing News:
Myth #1) There's no way to get rid of the 8-12 illegal aliens who are already here so we might as well give them some sort of legal status: What a load of tommyrot that is. Getting rid of the majority of illegal aliens who are already here is actually fairly EASY.

Now, why do I say that? Because the illegals aren't coming here to see the Grand Canyon or because they like the climate, most of them want to get WORK. So, if we get serious about enforcing the law, lay down a few massive fines or better yet, put a few flagrant violators who knowingly hire large numbers of illegals in jail, and that's all it'll take to get the rest of the business owners in line. If you crack down on the people who are employing the illegals, the jobs will dry up, and most illegal aliens will self-deport. That's just common sense...

At the same time, we also need to limit social services to illegal aliens, otherwise those who aren't able to find work might consider staying here on the public dime.

My response
you piece of shit!! you would have some big balls to talk some shit about immigrants when they are not in front of your face. Wahtever it comes down to it you need us for work. We honestly don't need you. We are a moving nation that is naturally claiming what is ours (not talking all mecha on you but look at the facts).
I don't even know how any of you fucks can critique something that you don't, wont and never understand. You ever been illegal? You ever been black? You EVER FELT LIKE A FUCK IN A COUNTRY THAT DOES NOT LIKE YOU?!!! the major minority has... but that has not stopped us. This does feel too close to the hatred in the 50's against blacks but not so blatant. That just makes you phonies!!! THE good thing is that not ALL illegals look mexican. Look over your shoulder, kid!! A long haired blue eyed mexican CAN stomp on you quick!!

My point

Don't you people learn from your mistakes?! You wanna start another race war with mexicans this time!! Fuck it! let it be but don't be complaining if it's your asses hosed off the streets and beat to shit!!! Hell, we even got blacks on our side (as bad as i feel them backing us when mexicans are quick to say mayate). You better go back to picking on chained fools and their fam cause you can't fuck with us now!!!

2004-06-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

"thanks for not snitchin" A comment on the recent decision on a bill to allow medical personnel to snitch to the border patrol on illegals.

For all the times that I talk shit about politicians for once they had a heart (well, 88 don't... jackasses). They dismissed the infamous HR 3722 which states "requires emergency room health workers to fingerprint or photograph undocumented immigrant patients and then call Homeland Security to begin deportation proceedings". I know that they see EVERYTHING as a war. The war on crime, the war on drugs, the war on crack(... Well, more like the war with crack), and the war on terrorism somehow included the war on immigrants. Even in war people don't run to the hospital and try to shoot up there! There has got to be some rules. I can't wait till we can get some scrimmage (yeah, right!!).

2004-05-31T01:43:00.000-07:00

"respect to the men in cammys"
a note to vaterans and fighters on the ultimate gridiron

In the eve o memorial day with about 4 coronas in me, i decided to put a new blog for the fighters. Being an immigrant you'd think i'd be the first to talk shit but na, these guys go out there to do their job. Not for money, nor glory. Cause it's their fukin duty blessed upon them to go. They defend and combat not thinking of all the haters and shittalkers saying this war is bad, this war is unjust. whatever. When it comes down to it, we are always helping. wether shit gets exposed (cause we know it happens) they look at them as assholes but wait a muinite! we were not commiting genocide on our own or other people. Shit, if they thought the only way they were gonna get info out of fools was to sodomize, that'd get me talkin! Besides, have we behaded anyone on national t.v.? did we bomb a nation cutting their population even .1 percent is too much! Some of these fighters come sick from combat having to kill fity men and halft to face the "babykiller hippies" seeing that they are comming from a lazy begging existence. I KNOW HOW YOU FLOWER FOOLS RUN!! GIVE POTHEADS A BAD NAME!! I say on the now memorial day (and having a fam member that served in vietnam rest in peace) GOD BLESS AMERICA!! HOO HA!!

2004-05-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

"numb after a minute" Defining how illegalism becomes a part of your life.

I remember how before I knew I was illegal (around 12) that I would see the Mexico/USA border and it would mean nothing to me. I would not feel any attachment, nor sense of fear, nor hatred for a country that has made me who I am today (I mean USA as in made me kinda confused really cause I aint mad but I ain't happy). I would see the border patrol doing a scoop and not understand it. I didn't know what was going on in cheech and chong when they took them to Mexico! Now, any little sign of that makes me so uneasy that I don't even know whether to kick something or just break down and cry right there. I just hold it in. It's so part of the norm that writing this affected me that I did cry but it will go away in a sec. That's how much of a norm this becomes. I know when it comes and goes that it's like blinking. Hard blinking cause it stays inside. I guess it's more like being handicapped (not mental but physical) cause you go on your day, ride your wheelchair, go to work and come back home to take off your pants and reach for your missing leg. Maybe that's why I can show so much compassion to people in struggle and how it can mess with them. It's not like I feel like I got it worse but it is like a missing limb. When I wanna go to my friends house across the city, I can't go cause of my missing "limb"...My license. So I go on foot. When I go to work and bust my ass in a remedial job knowing that I am capable of more than "ass work" (donkey). EVERY TIME I WANT TO SUPPORT THE COUNTRY IN BATTLE I REMEMBER, HEY! THEY DON'T EMPLOY ILLEGALS!!! When I wanna make a move to get a house I gotta go thru my clumsy wife that does not know beans of it but don't force her cause it's all under her name. So if I am capable to do anything and be anything (as I was taught at school) why am I a landscaping computer tech?! That's why I love this country (sarcasm for those who don't know). Why don't they make a ramp for me to get in an office. Not even a gimmie, just give me a chance. When they get a few they might actually be scared that we can do that job just the same if not better.

2004-04-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

"are we alone? Hell no, 14 million are here to bother!"(discussing the term ALIEN for immigrants)

A constant debate that mainly Mexicans defend is the term alien used to point out undocumented immigrants. An online dictionary covered both the "foreign born" term and the "little green man." Now, personally, I like alien cause I ain't you guys. I am different and I don't care. I prefer to be called TJ-lien referring to Outkast's ATLien album referring to ALabama. They expressed their difference as foreign to the point of another planet different. The thing with latinos is that we did travel "from a far off place" and "come in peace" but the second is never noted. Instead we are Aliens, banished from the normal and seen as outsiders in a nation of tolerance and acceptance. See my point. The term is wrong but don't care They just afraid that we are invading but you can't invade someplace that is yours!!

2004-04-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

"A Day Without A Mexican: far from reality?!"

I have prophesied it like Nostradamus, warned that someday we will react. And finally it will happen (in video form). "A Day Without A Mexican" Is a new movie From Televisa, a Mexican subsidiary of fox Entertainment and a well known Television Company in Mexico. According to what I have searched online, the movie was originally a 20 minute short but televisa saw the potential of making it to a full motion picture. The story is that one day (may 14 being the release date) 14 million of the population has disappeared. People are missing, husbands and wives wake up alone. Most importantly, Work is not getting done! Crops are left alone to rot, lawns don't get mowed, dishes are not washed. NOW WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW THAT HALF OF YOU ANTI-IMMIGRANTS GOT YOUR WISH?!!!! This story goes far more than a controversial movie. Viacom was paid to put a billboard for the movie reading "on may 14 There will be NO Mexicans in California" (and the website in the bottom www.adaywithoutamexican.com) and it was down and replaced in less than three hours. Some chick for immigration reform (anti-paisa) said she finds this to be inappropriate. I wish I would have recorded it cause she says it in such a way that made me feel like the billboard said "Gringos can kiss my ass" and it should have but it wasn't. I just don't get why that poster depicting a true view of immigration and the value we hold not just as people but as a part of your nation whether you like it or not. I think "The Alamo" was a disrespect. That move warped statistics showing millions of Mexicans fighting. We were not fighting, we got tooken out. We defended our country which is claiming itself and we are the bad guys. Next movie should be sponsored by mecha called "The day Mexicans got theirs back!!" See what immigrant reform fools think about that!

2004-02-24T16:27:00.000-08:00

On another note: Comment not related to immigration but an issue.

Tapes, vhs, cds, dvds and s.o.b.s
I just heard that the people of the Recording Idiots association of a*holes (riaa), video game companies and motherf*n p*s of another bunch of a's (mpaa) shall now release a new big as* label to mark every cd, movie, and video game. It reads just like the old one in vhs tapes (it's on most dvd's but we fast forward that). I'm still surprised that they are trippin that bad about the mp3, roms, even the movie thing. For example, most music that i bought back in the day was when there was a big deal about the new cd's... the price. They were found with overcharging consumers. At the time tapes were $12 new and cd's were $17 new. Riaa came up with the lame excuse that they pay for the "technology" that we pay for at $7 for fifty (cd-r's) I said f-it and bought used cd's for $7 and singles for $2. When the mp3 thing hit, i saw it just like the tape thing back when tapes were the ONLY thing. My sister and i would get jehovas witnesses tapes, block the re-write lock, Pass around pillows to nuke our coughs and record music from t.v., radio, movies. Sh*t i was just 8 and knew this so i was sure there was more cases even worse than my sis and I's "recording studio" dubs. I obviously got a job and paid for music later but i would still get a tape of this album or that album (the chronic on tape which i bought eventually). I still wanted my own so i paid for it. The same thing with mp3's. A lot of people still get downloads wether they download them or your nerdy friend, your sister, your own mother! Still the majority still feels compelled to help the performers and artist, no flinch. But when i would hear reactions of these idiot band artists like Dr. Dre, Eminem, Metallica and the rest of the "pioneers of the fight" would just make me mad. These idiots were the most downloaded but did they forget how many sales they got?!? Where is all that extra money i paid for technology?!? You should have invested in anti-piracy when you were rolling in it. Movies and games are not excempt. Have you seen how much it costs to see a new movie in theathers?!? It's a rip-off. Then you are expected to BUY the damn dvd anyways cause of deleted scenes!!! IT seems that they make movies planned for more sales rather than enjoyment. The matrix is a good example. The first movie was good but had many things missing, the second was crap cause it had big holes that you needed to fill with a $50 pc,psx or x-box game that still had too many missing "scenes". Then Revolutions suposedly closes it (really sh*tty) to re-open it this summer with another freaking video game!!! That movie alone has costed me $130 and i still have not gotten the whole story (i know it i can feel it!). So with all these cons that these Suits set up and we are supposed to willingly give up?! I swear if downloads stop because of the damn stickers when you never listened to your mom when she'd tell you some Real important shit, we are all a buch of idiots!

2004-02-19T19:20:00.000-08:00

my current job has me working in a flower place where they grow all the "color" as landscapers call it. I felt bad cause i worked by their break room. It was just a room with snack machines and four microwaves on the floor. The roof was all leaky prevented by trash cans (not buckets). The worst thing of all is tinstead of seeing me as a worker like them, they look at me like i was the boss' son or something. I am working just like them. I am probrably getting paid less than they are but they look at me crooked. I guess it does not help that i look more asian than mexican and i am speaking cut up spanish but clear as f* english. I still don't get it. This is why i never joined a mexican gang or had many mexican friends (but these are my real people!(?)). This is the reason i don't wanna go back to mexico. what's the point of going back to a country that treats my like an outsider when i am in a country that i am an outsider of.. but at least can blend in with the rest. It's like being from nowhere. Sure, i was born in mexico, but i can't really "be" mexican (by what i mean is of act and being as a person). I am more american than mexican and yet america does not want my kind. But what is the point of having a person that is to a point very useful that you can't use to his potential? It's like having a street illegal car that you can't drive cause it's too fast for the road but you need to drive daily for work and that the only car you have. You better get to work downgrading that bi*ch. The other two is sell it or buy a new car in street legal races but the first one is easier, faster and in reality just makes sense! May be slight confusing in the end but you get me? if terrorism is a concern with immigration then just allow any illegal to be a citizen but not without a full cavity search on their background, people they know, story, everything! They swear it's hard when they can do it on the daily for covert-ops (a lill too tom clancy. sorry). I bet the ones that come up to bat first will be even admiting to petty shi*t so they can just get in and accepted, but showing that they are at least honest. There are a lot better solutions than the detective work metods like "chase for the truck from the border" and "hear of too many mexicans in a suburbian neighborhood in phoenix?". Or the fast-action of the usual "semi-truck found by the border stuffed with immigrants like sardines". If i were a taxpayer, i'd be pretty pissed seeing my money pissed away like that. I'd give them credit if they actually made a real difference but THERE'S 10 MILLION OF US HERE!!! We are like roaches! We always come back. sure, we pay US10,000 to get here, then another 1000 from our relatives to get out of a hostage situation. But wait, it gets prettier. but i made my point for the day (i hope!).

2004-02-19T18:23:00.000-08:00

Explain yourself (brief story my a**)

First blog is to kinda explain to people who am i to do this,why did i begin this, what do i expect out of this and how you can help!

Why me?!?
First of all, I am an illegal alien (as i am so widely called) of 18 years and a Mexican American for 22 years (in other words, my age). I was brought to the united states agaist my will as a child (I say against my will cause a child of 4 cannot decide to break federal law or can he?!) by my mother and stepfather due to a rumor that the United States-Mexico border was going to be closed (yeah, kinda ignorant theory but that's the story). So i am here for about all of my elementary school years learning the pledge of aleigance, learning rights, and mexico's defeat over the united staes sure as heck in my mind that "we" won... Untill somehow my mother hit me with "you are illegal, you cannot work here, you are worth shit to thse people!". Illegal? What people? can't work? as you can tell these are new things to a kid that a day ago somehow had it in his head to be patriotic and serve in the military, become a scientist and invent something to help mankind (no bull, i found papers that i wrote on this). But, instead i got all that stomped, spat, sh*t on and handed back to me so I will know better next time I decide to have a f*n dream!!! Maybe i could have dealt with it better if i came at that age, maybe i could have understanded if it was broken down properly (or at least a lill more delicately). But instead i was told that i was sh*t to these people. The same people i wanna defend, be a part of and save?!? I took it pretty well considering that i felt like a total outcast, loser i don't even know. I felt like running back to mexico But I don't even know what mexico is. I felt like i don't know what the f*k i was doing in this country. After my f*ed up year i got myself back on track on my future and said screw school!! pass the s*t bare minimum to just get out and get ohn with my already unstable life. I Learned to be more patriotic to a country i did not even know of but i knew was my home. I even got a new carrer to just build computers and get paid. No employment agency, no ssn, just help people as i can. I got my head straight and took advantage of any high-tech class i could take for free at school while i worked after school for a door-to-door candy selling company for kids (the rules said 12-18 so i stayed till i hit 18 while i babysat kids on the off days). I gave half of my bread (wich was about $5 a day cause i could never sell more than 8 boxes of candy...but did get plenty of "confidence building" comments from people and 000-0000's from good looking girls) to my mother and used the rest for cheap used computer crap. Still no progress on my mom and stepdad on their immigration. As a matter of fact i left my house cause i saw that my mother's lack of interest of helping me was zero to none. she did bring a family friend who worked for the military and was going to find a way to get me in so i can immigrate (supposedly). He only persisted my sister to join (right before 9/11) and pretty much ignored me from then onI have tried to go to lawyers and "immigrant helpers" to only hear "you need to get married to a citizen or show us your parents paper process" which was nonexistent. So i took it up the a** and continued learning computers and looking for work under the table (wich is easy but not so easy). and that's where i am now. I am a well knowledged tech that works as a roofer for sh*tty pay.

Why did i begin this
I am starting this to hopefully bring more awareness to people in my situation (not just mexican). politicians see us as a statistic, border patrol see us as a pests, and landscape companies, flower fields, other s*t work companies and coyotes (border smugglers of people) see us as profit when in reality we are a big backbone to the economy. If we leave, there are not enough citizens willing (and i say willing cause you wouldn't work at our pay) or able to do what we do. Not even homeless people do what we do to survive!!!

what can happen: expectations
yknow what? I hope people around the country can understand where i am coming from. The most simplest thing like driving is a dream come true for me (that's why i play waaay to much gta3 or to the non-tech "grand theft auto 3"). I know i am not in the worst situation but it's a f*n tease to be young, and capable of doing anything and can't do anything legally.

What can you do?!?
Hey, you may know of some sort of law, some sort of political buddy that may give some certain blogger amnesty (Hint, Hint, Bill Clinton).
or you may just think twice when you vote for anti-paisa (mexican immigrant) bill. Hey, i'd do the same if i was legal!!!

thanks for wasting your time to undertand my tough times
Amos Iriqui